Random Thoughts



I'm obsessed... With trees. I've always known that they've had a special place in my heart, but this last year I have given in to it. I've decided after years of painting trees that I should probably start paying attention to the fine details. So I started looking deeply at these beauties, and I'm a bit overwhelmed by my love for them. I've taken to hiking almost every day and taking pictures to look at later. I find myself venturing farther than intended into the wilderness because there is always a more interesting tree just beyond my view.  I cannot wait to get back into my studio this week and start developing my new visions.  


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I recently completed my first residential meditation retreat. I write about it here because of the connection between mindfulness and creativity. We spend so much time muddled by our useless busy thinking. Out of touch with the true self, the creative self. Once you take away all distractions you are left with only yourself and your thoughts. After three days thoughts burn out. There is no longer a need to keep yourself in the whirlwind. Then you settle into the beautiful truth of self where you begin to daydream about all the things you could create.

I thought a lot about all of the ways I could improve the lives of people I love. I thought of all the beautiful paintings I could make. Techniques, colors, brush strokes. I spent hours visualizing new innovative paintings. I really touched the good true center of my self and that is where all good things come from. Now post retreat the task is to keep those visions alive while I do the work.

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Honey of my Failures

Last night, as I was sleeping, I dreamt-marvelous error!-

that I had a beehive

here inside my heart.

And the golden bees

were making white combs

and sweet honey

from my old failures.

    -Antonio Machado

The sweetness of living comes to us when the very humanness we regret and try to hide, our seeming flaws and shameful secrets, are worked by time and nature into a honey all their own. Ultimately, it is where we are not perfect-where we are broken and cracked, where the wind whistles through-that is the stuff of transformation.

Like others, many things I have wanted to be, have crumbled over time into cinders that have sparked the very next dream. And each time I’ve failed at being what someone else needed or wanted or hoped for, each time I’ve failed at being what I needed or wanted or hoped for-each failure at love has solidified into unexpected learnings. The painful shavings of one love have become the spices of joy in the next.

None of this lessens the pain of our journey, but it gives me comfort that our failures, are the very human past from which we are made sweet.

Just know, when everything is falling apart, that you are preparing the ground of you for something ripe that can’t be seen yet, but in time will be tasted. - Mark Nepo